Life altering.....not strong enough.
The words life altering are not strong enough words for how this DIVERT program has affected me. I've been thinking about writing this post since I returned from my Probation Officer, but I couldn't control my hands from shaking so I had to wait about an hour.
This post will not be funny, because honestly its not a joke and if anyone knows me they are fully aware that I view my freedom as precious as anything I could be honored to have in this lifetime. After leaving my probation office, tears ran down my face....I dont cry for no reason, there is a definite reason and it is frustration and anger. The are taking everything from me a bit at a time...if I didnt have a job where I could leave without being fired I would be jobless, if I didnt have the money to pay all the excessive fees I would be homeless, if I didnt have a support system and somewhat strong mental stability I would be using in any form I could think of to take away the pain. The freedom I had is gone....its not even gone as in I cant go have fun anymore, its gone meaning I no longer have any control over my individuality, where I go, who I associate with, where I spend my money, how I choose to use my free time, my life and work situations...nothing is mine anymore. The emotions that I am having at this moment are indescribable.....no heartache from a lover can even compare to someone taking your freedom away.
I learned this morning an overwhelming piece of information, my device on my car has a GPS in it. That may not seem like a big deal to anyone else, but for me, this is a complete invasion of my personal privacy and freedom to go where I please without the government knowing exactly where I am at anytime.
I also am unable to fly internationally without coming home to a hair follicle test.....I have a DWI, not a heroine addiction......its a huge cluster fuck in my life, and I am not ready for it. I am supposed to travel to France to spend time with my family for the summer, but honestly it seems to be more trouble than its worth. I am required to sign up for a DIVERT class, community service all before I leave and try to get a travel permit that may or may not be given to me.....all this has to be done during work hours because the local government is only open 8-5 m-f.......It seems to me that this is almost a way of being sure people are not productive. Its making me want to crawl in a hole and I am a pretty strong willed independent individual. I cant imagine a person who has an addiction and trying to get their life back on track...how is it possible if they keep bringing the person down or forcing them to be unproductive by wasting working hours, etc?
I'm baffled by the system and the way things work, I am thinking of running for city council when this is over, to actually defend known criminals. This sounds crazy, but these are human beings and should be treated with respect no matter what mistakes they have incurred.
This has been a really sobering experience, and a very disheartening one as well. I've lost faith, I've lost my freedom, I've lost my ability to look at the silver lining and the light at the end of the tunnel. I hope to get something back, some kind of inspiration that all of this and how we deal with our community is for a very good reason......but honestly it just seems to be a way to strip people of their humanity.
Hope is fading.
This post will not be funny, because honestly its not a joke and if anyone knows me they are fully aware that I view my freedom as precious as anything I could be honored to have in this lifetime. After leaving my probation office, tears ran down my face....I dont cry for no reason, there is a definite reason and it is frustration and anger. The are taking everything from me a bit at a time...if I didnt have a job where I could leave without being fired I would be jobless, if I didnt have the money to pay all the excessive fees I would be homeless, if I didnt have a support system and somewhat strong mental stability I would be using in any form I could think of to take away the pain. The freedom I had is gone....its not even gone as in I cant go have fun anymore, its gone meaning I no longer have any control over my individuality, where I go, who I associate with, where I spend my money, how I choose to use my free time, my life and work situations...nothing is mine anymore. The emotions that I am having at this moment are indescribable.....no heartache from a lover can even compare to someone taking your freedom away.
I learned this morning an overwhelming piece of information, my device on my car has a GPS in it. That may not seem like a big deal to anyone else, but for me, this is a complete invasion of my personal privacy and freedom to go where I please without the government knowing exactly where I am at anytime.
I also am unable to fly internationally without coming home to a hair follicle test.....I have a DWI, not a heroine addiction......its a huge cluster fuck in my life, and I am not ready for it. I am supposed to travel to France to spend time with my family for the summer, but honestly it seems to be more trouble than its worth. I am required to sign up for a DIVERT class, community service all before I leave and try to get a travel permit that may or may not be given to me.....all this has to be done during work hours because the local government is only open 8-5 m-f.......It seems to me that this is almost a way of being sure people are not productive. Its making me want to crawl in a hole and I am a pretty strong willed independent individual. I cant imagine a person who has an addiction and trying to get their life back on track...how is it possible if they keep bringing the person down or forcing them to be unproductive by wasting working hours, etc?
I'm baffled by the system and the way things work, I am thinking of running for city council when this is over, to actually defend known criminals. This sounds crazy, but these are human beings and should be treated with respect no matter what mistakes they have incurred.
This has been a really sobering experience, and a very disheartening one as well. I've lost faith, I've lost my freedom, I've lost my ability to look at the silver lining and the light at the end of the tunnel. I hope to get something back, some kind of inspiration that all of this and how we deal with our community is for a very good reason......but honestly it just seems to be a way to strip people of their humanity.
Hope is fading.
I cant help but feel for you. I have to sign up for this thing next week. I'm not looking forward to the embarrassing, malfunctioning, and privacy invading device in my car.
ReplyDeleteThe idea that it knows where I am freaks me out, and makes me wonder if I can go about blocking the GPS signal without having it freak out.
Hi James, I'm sorry you have to go through this. It's a pain in the ass. I hated my interlock more than my worst enemy. You could try to block it, not sure if it would affect the device. I bought a sun shield for my windshield for when I have to start my car. Works really well. Let me know if you have any questions.
ReplyDelete